QUICK LINKS

Back to Humor

If you are here, you are truly glutton for "udder" punishment!

The Cows are in the Corn
By:
To the tune of I Could Sing of Your Love Forever

Over the laneway from the barn
That sits upon our family farm,
Across the pasture there's a gate
To which I hurry, but I'm late.
For now the gate is open wide,
The cattle are no more inside
And further from the barn I see
Now where the cows have gone to be.

Chorus:
Oh Martha, the cows are in the corn,
Oh Martha, the cows are in the corn.
Oh Martha, the cows are in the corn,
Oh Martha, the cows are in the corn.

Bridge:
Right now they're busy eating
The corn right off the plants,
But when it's time for milking
They will find their way to the
Barn at last, yeah!

Cow Chant
By:
(Gregorian Chant)
Mar------te, Mar------te, die-----------------Kü-----he sind im Maise-----

Lord, I Lift My Cows on High
By:
To the tune of Lord, I Lift Your Name on High

Lord, I Lift My Cows on High!
Lord, I ask for milk producers!
I'm so glad they're in the field;
I'm so glad they have full udders!

They came from barn to the field - to chew the grass
From the field to the barn - more milk to splash!
From the barn to stall, from the stall to the field,
Lord, "I'VE GOT MILK" for my meal!

Do You Hear the Cows Stampeding?
By:
To the Tune of Do You Hear the Mountains Tremble?

Did you feel the cows stampeding,
As they trampled all our corn?
When all the cattle started moooving
In unison out of the barn.

And we can feel those cattle moooving,
A mighty river through the cornfield,
Both calf and heifer, yessir, moooving...

"Martha! Please shut the gates!
Darned cows have ruined all our corn!"

Close the cattle gates,
Close the cattle doors,
Please no more of cattle roaming!
Cows that trample corn,
Cows that give us milk,
Cattle that dance upon vegetables....

(repeat ad infinitum - or ad vegetarium)

A Mighty Fortress is Our Barn
By: Michael E. Landon
To the tune of A Mighty Fortress is Our God

A mighty fortress is our barn that keeps the cows from wand'ring
Into the fields of golden con on which the sun is shining.
For to them they would go and eat their fill also,
Their stomachs they will fill and seek to do us ill
By all our corn consuming.

These cows in all their var'ing hews of black and white and spotted,
The brown and all shades in between will make their way undaunted.
O, Martha, wife of mine, we haven't yet much time
To save them from this fate of objects of our hate,
A fate that's yet unwarranted.

For by God's grace they do supply us with their milky goodness
It nourishes and satisfies our hunger as it digests
Doest ask what it may be? You know it must be cheese!
All praise for curds and whey, especially when it's aged!
May God all of our cheese now bless!

Bringing in the Cows
By: Martinique
To the tune of Bringing in the Sheaves

Look to the cornfields, do I hear mooing?
Martha, the cattle are at it again!
They're not content to graze in fields of clover,
Kernels of gold, bovine hearts do win.

Bringing in the cows, bringing in the cows.
They'll eat it all if we don't start
Bringing in the cows.
Bringing in the cows, bringing in the cows.
Quick before there's nothing left,
Go bring in the cows!

How will we get them back into the barn now?
Cowpokes and lassos, we'd need quite a few.
Dogs work for herding sheep, but cows are more stubborn.
Maybe they'll come back when milking is due!

Regular Song Version
By:
(Tune is improvised by Milk Leader and Praise Band)

the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn

(volume up a notch)
the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn

(key change)
the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn
the cows are in the corn

(drum shift with increased tempo)
the corn, the cows
the corn, the cows
the corn, the cows
the corn, the cows

(the lead guitar beginning to start thumping and the bass up the key and drum up the pace)
the the the the
cows,  cows,  cows,  cows
are, are, are ,are
in, in, in, in
corn, corn, corn, corn

cows areinthecorn
cows areinthecorn
cows areinthecorn
cows    are    in     the     corn


(imporv ending in a key change)

cowsare in thecorn
(volume up a notch)
cowsare in thecorn
(volume up a nothces)
cowsare in thecorn
(volume up a notch)
the   cows    are   in    the    corn

(at this point the backup singers begin put you hands into the air and making fists and pulling down the milking leader tells everyone to "embrace the utters and let the corn fall")

the cows,

(milk leader now beginning to weep visibly)

OH the cows, Those precious cows,
My precious cows, Your precious cows
Her precious cows, His precious cows

(at this point the dance team enters dressed as milk maids each with a milk stool followed by men dressed in farmer  costumes  with giant dowel sticks with flowing golden 3 foot wide ribbon with painter corn ears which are waved over the congregation)

are in
the corn
(all instruments slam)
the corn
(all instruments slam)
the corn
(all instruments slam)

TTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHeeeeee CCCCCCCOOOOOOOORRRRRRRNNNNNNNN

(at this point all the dances fall on their face and the milkleader falls exhausted on one knee as a giant inflated cow is carried by four men dressed as ears of corn through the congregation as the instruments frantically play on)

The congregations looks at each other and smile knowing from the warm milky feeling they share that the fertilizer has flown freely here today.

Bovine Medley
By:
To the tune of  Where, oh Where Has my Little Dog Gone and Onward Christian Soldiers

Where oh where has my little cow gone,
Oh where oh where can it be??
It must have followed the other cows,
Into the corn field to feed...

(key change)

Onward bovine soldiers,
marching as to feed,
following the fragrance,
of corn on which they feed.
Following behind them,
with a rope in hand,
Farmer Bob and Martha,
ready to command...

Onward bovine soldiers,
marching to the field
with the smell of corn on
which they hope to feed...

(tag) 
Farmer Bob and Martha,
sit and soak their feet!


Do you have a song to contribute? Did I not get the proper name with the song?  E-mail me!

Don't see the relevance of the humor? Think I should get a life? Find this whole concept as sacrilegious or blasphemous? Don't e-mail me, just pray for me. If in the highly unlikely chance you are right, your prayer will do me more good than the e-mail and that way I can't subscribe you to my cat's Mouse-o-Spam e-mail list!